Balancing

Balancing what you see vs. the real me, your perception against reality.  You have an idea in your head as to what Homelessness looks like...and I don't look like that, don't smell, like that, don't talk like that...but I am that.  There is always a fine, delicate line between exposing the truth of my situation against someone wanting to push me into a box of "their own personal truths" (ludicrous idea...Truth has nothing to do with what you personally think and believe.  Truth is immutable.).  I can refuse to be stigmatized, but that doesn't change the fact that there are many who feel a certain way about the Homeless (many times in spite of the facts!) and that is that.  I suppose that is one of the reasons God put me here, to challenge those stereotypes.  LOL, God has been using me and my family to smash stereotypes ever since I can remember, just preparation I suppose (no coincidences in life, people).

What helps me in being able to stand boldly in front of you all and proclaim that "I am Homeless" stems from the fact that I have purpose in this situation.  I needed the humility that this situation brought, the discipline that I am learning, and the steadfastness of purpose.  But most of all, I have learned (and am learning) to love God the right way, by unconditionally loving His children.  Everyday there is help to be given, tempers to be calmed and hope to be distributed.  Do you know what it is like to help a grown man finally look at his situation differently?  To see him give himself another chance, to learn to like others and himself for maybe the first time in life?  Like helping with the Homeless meal in Forsythe Park on Sunday or just sitting back and letting someone finally take off their heavy burdens and get a little rest by just LISTENING...these are good things.  This is what Love should look like. 

I am not tooting my own horn here; it's just that...I get it now.  I used to feel sympathy for the Homeless, pass on a few bucks... even offered a guy a pair of my shoes once.  But that is not living with that man, talking to him, praying for him...and then feeling the Rage and Indignation build inside you (But always, ALWAYS tempered by LOVE) until you are moved to act to help these brothers and sisters, my brothers and sisters, up and out of the mire - even if it means you have to stay in the mire a little while longer.

Martin Luther King, sir, I get it.  Mother Theresa, ma'am I get it, Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Harriett Tubman...I see.  Don't you see, dear reader, some things are just more important than the outward trappings, the material, and the OBVIOUS.  Sometimes you are compelled to ride a wave that, by its nature, towers over your own personal circumstances.  You may look at me as trapped where I am...but honestly, I have never felt more FREE! 

You may think whatever you will from here on out...I am doing the work that feels like the breath of life filling my soul and I sleep...satisfied.  I am sold out to this purpose.

So here we are, balancing...

…and I would gladly perform this balancing act till I can't stand anymore.

Prison Mentality

My friend Samuel has a ministry that feeds the Homeless in Forsythe Park here in Savannah every Sunday at 1pm.  Food is donated and brought in, The Word of God is preached and then folks eat and receive clothing, blankets, bread etc.  It is one of the noblest un-organizations here in Savannah and there is a real drive amongst the volunteers to ask for nothing and give abundantly. I chip in and help praying with and talking to individuals that are hurting and struggling with their circumstances.  And it is one of the most rewarding experiences that I can think of to spend a couple of hours doing.

Of course one of Samuel's favorite expressions is; "We feed the needy and the greedy."  Even in this environment, where folks are breaking bread sitting on the ground - like when Jesus fed the 5,000 (our numbers are slightly smaller than that; usually 150 - 300 folks), there are those who try to get over on you.

Sadly, many of you have run into the Homeless person who is only interested in running game on you.  Ask for a dollar that somehow morphs into $5 - $10 whatever they can get out of you.  There is no privilege in Homelessness, but if there were these characters would be abusing it.

This brings me to today’s topic, necessarily in the Homeless Shelter you are going to run into people who have had a long history of incarceration behind them.  Many of these folks have a difficult time trying to adjust to this life outside (even the "outside" that the Shelter provides) the penal system, so many of them try to bend the shelter to their will (mentality).  It never works, at least not here at Grace House, because there are systems in place to check that mentality.  Yet it invariably causes no end of problems here.

There are gentlemen here today who try to drive division between the R.A.s, subtly (and sometimes not too subtly) threaten the other residents, form cliques and try to charm the pants off of Case Management.  These men are hardened by the system, yet they have amazing qualities about them.  They are generally charming and charismatic, natural born leaders in a sort of conniving and dangerous way.  Divide and conquer is their rule of law and I have been burnt several times by trying to trust and even help these individuals. 

But as I said earlier Grace House is not set up to be bent to the will of a few or one.  The architect behind this institution must have known the type of men that we would be dealing with and put safeguards in place to protect those who are in need...both the other residents and those who have that prison mentality.

One of the things that I am most proud of about this place is that everyone is given and can take the opportunity to change.  Most of these individuals with this mentality CAN change, if they first give themselves a chance to.  The sad thing is, is often, they will implode in here.  You see the signs and symptoms; those they used to hang around with  are pushed away, they become less stable- the lines blur - who should I be schmoozing, who should I take down, who are my allies and can I even trust them, and the anger becomes unchecked.  This is the most critical time in the process, standing on the precipice of your own destruction...what will you do? Will you jump, as you have done so often...or will you finally lay all that internal junk aside and decide that for once, let's take the road I never traveled - the road these people have been trying to get me to walk on for a minute-and see what happens? 

Most, sadly, don't change and end up in the wind...and Savannah is a deadly place to be a hustler...because there is always someone younger, angrier and hungrier than you just around the corner. But I am proud to say that I have also seen many success stories come and go from Grace House, a young man who battled back to get his GED and is studying to pass the college boards, another brother who is working a job and taking classes at Savannah State to become a construction contractor and there are more.  They are adapting and living and THRIVING!  These few, these ...these WINNERS make the burns from others worth while.